Miss you… dearly!

“Did you miss me?” my friend would ask as we meet in college after summer holidays. “Oh yes! None to eat my head. Did you?” I would reply. “Well, I already asked that question,” she’d say and walk away leaving me feeling stupid each time.

Would she ever miss me dearly? 

The answer came much later.

Her third chemo session was done. We were given to understand that with every session, one gets better at handling them. What we didn’t expect were new hurdles to encounter with each session. 

She is generally fine on day 2 just after the chemo. I was just lazing through the morning of October 29, 2021, when I saw the message that Kannada actor Puneet Rajkumar was at Vikram Hospital. After working full time in mainstream media, I had just completed a year in independent journalism. I did turn down a full-time offer keeping in mind my friend’s health, and was happy dabbling with freelance assignments as and when. 

“Can you step in to cover Puneet Rajkumar’s health crisis for India Today?” the assignment head of the channel asked me. The story is breaking and I must admit I was carried away. 

“It’s your work. I know you love this. Go ahead, but be safe. I will be okay,” my friend said. I quickly got ready. I was swamped with phone lives. The Quint wanted me to pitch in for the website too. “Don’t forget the rain jacket. Also the water bottle. Why don’t you carry some protein bars?” she was reeling out instructions aplenty. “Will you rest? I will handle it,” I said, quite irritated. “Oh! Don’t forget the laptop,” she continued. Well, she wouldn’t stop. And I must say I had almost forgotten the laptop. What would I do without her?

I planted a safety kiss on her forehead and scooted straight to the actor’s residence. By then, dear Puneeth Rajkumar had breathed his last. 

I was reporting on ground. Fans were thronging the streets. It was raining and my phone’s battery was dying. I was mindful of my mask and sanitiser. My mind was wary of my friend’s condition. I took the help of the security personnel’s outpost at one of the minister’s residences where I was charging my phone desperately trying to keep a tab on her health while I was busy with lives. 

Yes, I was present at the stadium where the late actor’s mortal remains were placed for public viewing. I was also present at the funeral site. I hadn’t slept through two full days. I had scripted a mood piece for The Quint, which was much appreciated. I had done a few lives in Hindi too for Aaj Tak. I was asked to speak to fans, who were also singing songs from Puneeth Rajkumar movies. I had climbed the compound of a minister’s house to capture visuals. There were so many priceless moments that I would have constantly messaged and shared with my friend. This time, I missed that. I kept typing out messages and deleting them knowing my friend was far too unwell to even pick up the phone and read my message. I missed her through every minute of my reportage. 

On the day when the actor was laid to rest and I was heading back home to finally catch up with some sleep, she called me. “I watched your live. It was exciting to watch you on TV after a long time,” she said. I was overwhelmed. She immediately added, “What a crowd! I hope you were safe.” That’s so typical of her. She is always paranoid about my safety. And she fails to realise that I am extra vigilant knowing that I am her carer. That annoys me. 

I stayed home that entire week, tested myself for COVID, before heading to her place for her next chemo. The long gap was hard for she was in pain every day. And I was helpless. Did I make a mistake taking up this assignment? She video called me during that week and said, “Don’t be away for so long. I miss you. Don’t take up such assignments if it requires you to be away for this long. I need you here.” 

I promised her that I wouldn’t. A sharp pang of regret swept through me. I was back with her holding her hand. As she saw me, I noticed that laden tear drop through the side of her cheeks. I cried along with her till she asked me, “So, what’s the inside story? The actor died due to heavy workout? That’s what my gym friends were discussing in the group.”